How to Choose a Wedding Photographer When You Hate Being Photographed

“We Just Want to Be There” they said.

Bride To Be Was Scared of Missing the Best Bits of Her Own Wedding

A recent chat with a couple planning their city wedding made me write this article. Cara and Jack were honest about their process of looking for best wedding photographer for them.

“I get FOMO of my own wedding just thinking about disappearing for loads of staged shots.”

How to Choose a Wedding Photographer When You Hate Being Photographed? I think this is one of the things that gets lost when you’re looking at wedding photography online, because you’re usually looking at the finished photographs rather than thinking about what it was actually like to have the photographer there.

Cara and Jack didn’t look for some magazine like images or a highlight reel for social media. They wanted fully experience their wedding day. They wanted be present with their guests, and wanted someone to capture little things they might miss.

“We’re not picture people.”

They said that. Not in a shy way…. just as fact.

When people say they hate having their photograph taken, they don’t usually mean they don’t want any photographs. They mean they don’t want to spend their wedding day being told where to stand and what to do .
They didn’t want to “look” natural , they wanted to feel natural.

“I don’t want to be told to stand in a doorway and pretend to laugh. I just want photos of me actually laughing.”

They weren’t against having photos. They just didn’t want the photography to take over the day.

“We don’t want the dress on a tree.”

That line made me laugh, because it’s one trend I never understood. And recently I also heard someone saying that their mission on the day is to find chandelier and placing shoes on them…okey that is not me(I will take photo of your shoes, don’t worry). But my mission is to find meaningful moments. No one hangs their wedding dress in a tree before they wear it. In real life, someone is usually guarding it. Carefully unzipping the bag, trying not to get foundation on it, checking everything is ready while the room around them is already full of people and activity. The photograph of a wedding dress gently hanging from a branch can be beautiful, but it is an idea of what a wedding day is supposed to look like rather than what your wedding day actually looked like. Cara didn’t want her dress on a tree. She wanted photographs of her wedding as it happened.

Same goes for those “getting dressed” window shots.

The bride putting dress on in perfect light-dream-yes but in the window? no, in real life noone ever gets dressed in the window. It would be wierd right? The getting ready room is full of
friends, bags, croissants, caffeine and selected people.
Someone trying to steam a jumpsuit, someone asking where the vows are,
someone handing over deodorant with one hand and champagne with the other. It’s noisy, chaotic, hilarious. Or quiet with you Mom or sister or best friend.
Whatever is YOU. Rant over.

“Our wedding’s not a performance.”

Your plans are intentional. The bright colours, the church that means something to you, the pizza, your favourite cocktail, the brass band in the street, the festival ribbons, the sharing plates, the rock band, the drag performance, the bouncy castle, the alpacas, the flowers your mum made herself. All of it has happened at my weddings. Those things matter because they are yours. I don’t think you need to add things to your wedding because you think they will photograph well. And you don’t need photographs that make your wedding look like someone else’s. You want your photographs to show the people you love, the things you chose, the atmosphere you created and all the little things that made the day yours.

That’s what Cara and Jack were looking for too.

“We don’t want trends. We don’t want things just because we’re supposed to. We want it to feel like us.”

So how to choose a Wedding Photographer when You hate being photographed?

“We want someone whose presence doesn’t change the day.”

This was important to Cara and Jack, and it’s something worth thinking about when you’re choosing your photographer. There are different ways of photographing a wedding, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a photographer who takes full charge. If you want someone who will direct you, create a scene, arrange people, move things around and tell you what to do, there are plenty of very good photographers who work that way. If you like the idea of being told to stand somewhere, being given a pose, being asked to do that first look again because they missed it, or hug again, recreating a moment, interrupting some then look for someone who specialises in that. It’s a completely valid way to photograph a wedding. It’s not how I work. For me, your wedding is already happening. I don’t need to create another version of it for the camera. Your wedding day is happening regardless if photographer is there, and it can be photographed same way. My job is to know you well enough beforehand to understand what matters to you, then pay attention to what is actually happening on the day. I want to photograph the people, the relationships, the laughter, the nerves, the chaos and all the things you probably won’t notice because you’re busy getting married.

Do they do what they say they do?

Have a look at the words they use to describe how they photograph weddings, then look at the photographs. Do they match? If a photographer talks about natural moments, candid photographs and letting the day unfold, but most of their portfolio is couples carefully posed, group photographs and beautifully arranged portraits, that tells you something. And the same works the other way around. If someone says they love creating beautiful portraits and directing couples, you should be able to see that in their work too. What you see should give you a pretty good idea of what you’re going to get. And don’t just look at the couple. Look at everyone around them. What are their guests doing? Are you seeing parents, friends, grandparents, people laughing, people crying. That will tell you a lot about how that photographer sees a wedding.

What if photos didn’t mean leaving?

To be clear, I don’t think documentary photography means refusing to take a good portrait. But What if you dodn’t want to vanish for portraits? You don’t need to step away from your own wedding to prove you got married. You can take walk and breather with your parter and that can be quietly photographed. Or you can arrange another day when there is no rush, no missing out and it’s dedicated for photos…because your wedding day is not photoshoot!

Details can be meaningful

“All our friends are helping , making the cake, the flowers, the signs , we want them in the photos too.”

Wedding photos aren’t just about the couple, they’re about everyone who is part of it. You have spent long time making guest list and spent a lot of money for each guest to celebrate day with you. Your wedding album shouldn’t be 90% of the two of you and a few formal group shots. That would be weird…for me at least! (unless you eloped of course!). Your wedding gallery should feel like the full story of the you two, your families, people who made the day what it was, whether they were on the dance floor, behind the scenes or in the background. That’s the point. A wedding is never just about two people. It’s about everyone in the room. Also,
I love little scenes that make you think that it must have been GREAT DAY. Eten cake, kicked off shoes, empty glasses, tired (happy) faces, messy dancefloors…all have it’s story and all part of the story.
It all gives me FEEL that place been lived, does that make sense? Scenes which make you ask questions.

You can hate being photographed and still want great photos.

You can be fully present and still have the day beautifully documented. And you’re not difficult for asking for that.
If any of this sounds like you, you are in right place and you’re not alone. Have a look on my blog and see stories of couples who said:
“We just want to be there and have great memories photographed naturally”

So if you’re looking at photographers and you don’t love being photographed, don’t just ask yourself whether you like their photographs. Look at what those photographs are actually showing you. Are you seeing the whole wedding or mostly portraits of the couple? Are there photographs of the people around them? Can you see what the day felt like? Do the photographs make you curious about the people in them? Can you imagine looking through that gallery in twenty years and remembering far more than what you wore?

And most importantly, ask yourself what you actually want to remember when you look back at your photographs, and how you want to feel about having your photographer there on the day.