How to Choose a Wedding Photographer When You Hate Being Photographed

“We Just Want to Be There” they said.

Bride To Be Was Scared of Missing the Best Bits of Her Own Wedding

A recent chat with a couple planning their city wedding made me write this article. Cara and Jack were honest about their process of looking for best wedding photographer for them.

“I get FOMO of my own wedding just thinking about disappearing for loads of staged shots.”

How to Choose a Wedding Photographer When You Hate Being Photographed? They didn’t look for some magazine like images or a highlight reel for social media. They wanted fully experience their wedding day. They wanted be present with their guests, and wanted someone to capture little things they might miss

“We’re not picture people.”

They said that.

Not in a shy way…. just as fact.
They’re didn’t want to be told where to stand, where to brush hair, who should stand next to them for group photo and they realy didn’t want to “look” natural , they wanted to feel natural.

“I don’t want to be told to stand in a doorway and pretend to laugh. I just want photos of me actually laughing.”

They weren’t against having photos. They just didn’t want the photography to take over the day.

“We don’t want the dress on a tree.”

That line made me laugh, because it’s one trend I never understood. And recently I also heard someone saying that their mission on the day is to find chandelier and placing shoes on them… Ideas I personally don’t agree with as my mission is to find meaningful moments. No one hangs their wedding dress in a tree nor shoes on chandeliers. This trend definitely came from not real bride on their wedding day but from someone who has idea what your day should look like.
Not unless a photographer or planner or stylist says, “We need this shot.” But do WE “need” this shot? Absolutely not. In real life, someone’s is almost guarding that outfit.
Carefully unzipping the bag and panicking about foundation on fingers. Photo of a gown gently swaying on a branch….nah…the dress looks best on you.

Same goes for those “getting ready” window shots.

You know the ones. The bride standing in perfect light, in the window? In real life noone ever gets dressed in the window. It would be wierd right? The getting ready room is full of
friends, bags, croissants, caffeine and selected people.
Someone trying to steam a jumpsuit, someone asking where the vows are,
someone handing over deodorant with one hand and champagne with the other. It’s noisy, chaotic, hilarious. Or quiet with you Mom or sister or best friend.
Whatever is YOU.

Not the performance by the window(wierd!)

“Our wedding’s not a performance.”

Your plans are intentional. All of them,
bright colours, the church that means something, pizza , your favourite cocktail,
,brass band in the street, festival and ribbons, sharing plates, Ibize style dj, rock band, drag performance, bauncy castle, alpacas, flowers made by mum …. (all of it has happened at my weddings)

“We don’t want trends. We don’t want things just because we’re supposed to. We want it to feel like us.”

No drone shots, no TikTok trends, no symmetry in the family group photo-for-the-sake-of-it.
They just want the real stuff: connection, joy, emotion, people.

“We want someone whose presence doesn’t change the day.”

This was important. If you want photographer to be also mc and telling everybody what to do all day…. okey…. you need someone not documentary then.
You might want to be told to hug again? Or do the first look 3 times? If answer is yes… again look for somone more traditional, definitely not natural or documentary.

Your wedding day is happening regardless if photographer is there, and it can be photographed same way.
You need someone who doesn’t interrupt the moment to “make” the moment, an authentic wedding photographer who learned a lot about you prior wedding, who observe and capture day as it happens with all its feelings and emotions.

What if photos didn’t mean leaving?

What if you didn’t need to vanish for portraits? You don’t need to step away from your own wedding to prove you got married. You can take walk and breather with your parter and that can be quietly photographed. Or you can arrange another day when there is no rush, no missing out and it’s dedicated for photos…because your wedding day is not photoshoot!

Details can be meaningful

“All our friends are helping , making the cake, the flowers, the signs , we want them in the photos too.”

Weddings aren’t just about the couple, they’re about everyone who is part of it. You have spent long time making guest list and spent a lot of money for each guest to celebrate day with you. Your wedding album shouldn’t be 90% of the two of you and a few formal group shots. That would be weird…for me at least! (unless you eloped of course!). Your wedding gallery should feel like the full story of the you two, your families, people who made the day what it was, whether they were on the dance floor, behind the scenes or in the background. That’s the point. A wedding is never just about two people. It’s about everyone in the room.

You’re allowed to say no.

No to trends.
No to posing.
No to “walk away slowly, now turn, now laugh, now walk again.” You can hate being photographed and still want great photos.
You can be fully present and still have the day beautifully documented. And you’re not difficult for asking for that.
IIf any of this sounds like you, you are in right place and you’re not alone. Have a look on my blog and see stories of couples who said:
“We just want to be there and have great memories photographed naturally”

No tree, no window, no unnecessary performance.
I get it, I was the same. I wanted to be me on my own wedding day. I didn’t want to be told where to stand, how to hug or disappear for hours. I just wanted to be present, with my nearest and dearest, to actually feel it all and still remember it afterwards, how it was. That’s why I do what I do now. If you’re reading this and thinking, “This is us,” you’re not alone. So many of us feel this way, we just don’t always hear it said out loud. So there’s another way, and it’s real and authentic. If you want to know more about why this matters to me, I wrote a bit about it here: What is my why.