How to Choose a Wedding Photographer When You Hate Being Photographed

“We Just Want to Be There” they said.

Bride To Be Was Scared of Missing the Best Bits of Her Own Wedding

A recent chat with a couple planning their city wedding made me stop and think. Not because they were doing anything different, but because of how honest they were about looking for best wedding photographer for them

“I get FOMO of my own wedding just thinking about disappearing for loads of staged shots.”

How to Choose a Wedding Photographer When You Hate Being Photographed? They weren’t asking for some editorial shoot or a highlight reel for social media.
They were asking for something much simpler: to actually be there. To experience the day they’ve spent so long planning.
To stay with their friends.
To not miss the little things that might only happen once. And to have someone there to quietly notice it all.

“We’re not picture people.”

They said that too.

Not in a shy way. Just… factual.
They’re not into being told where to stand or how to pose.
They don’t want to spend an hour trying to look natural. They just want to feel natural.

“I don’t want to be told to stand in a doorway and pretend to laugh. I just want to laugh for real.”

They weren’t against having photos. They just didn’t want the photography to become the thing and take over the day. Not the reason they missed on canapés they carefully selected.

“We don’t want the dress on a tree.”

That line made me laugh, because it’s one trend i never understood. And recently I also heard someone saying that their mission on the day is to find chandelier and placing shoes on them… Ideas I personally don’t agree with as my mission is to find meaningful moments. No one hangs their wedding dress in a tree nor shoes on chandeliers. This trend definitely came from not real bride on their wedding day but from someone who has idea what your day should look like.
Not unless a photographer or planner or stylist says, “We need this shot.” But do WE “need” this shot? Absolutely not. In real life, someone’s is almost guarding that outfit.
Carefully unzipping the bag and panicking about foundation on fingers. That photo of a gown gently swaying on a branch? It’s not a memory. It’s a setup. The dress looks best on you.

Same goes for those “getting ready” window shots.

You know the ones. The bride standing in perfect light, in the window? In real life noone ever gets dressed in the window. It would be wierd right? The getting ready room is full of
friends, bags, croissants, caffeine, people you selected to be there.
Someone trying to steam a jumpsuit. Someone asking where the vows are.
Someone handing over deodorant with one hand and champagne with the other. It’s noisy, slightly chaotic, usually hilarious. Or quiet with you Mom or sister or best friend.
That’s the version worth remembering.

Not the quiet performance by the window.
The real thing.

“Our wedding’s not a performance.”

Your plans are small and intentional.
Bright colours. A church that means something.
Pizza at a bar you love.
A brass band in the street. Festival and ribbons. Sharing plates. Ibize style dj. Rock band.
Nods to people who couldn’t be there.
Friends doing flowers, making signs, helping set the vibe.

“We don’t want trends. We don’t want things just because we’re supposed to. We want it to feel like us.”

No drone shots. No TikTok trends. No symmetry-for-the-sake-of-it.
They just want the good stuff: connection, joy, emotion, people.

“We want someone whose presence doesn’t change the day.”

This part hit home. You don’t want someone barking orders.
Or stepping in every ten minutes to adjust things, or been told to hug again. You want someone who sees what’s already happening.
Who doesn’t interrupt the moment to “make” the moment. Who learnes and observe and capture like a witness.
Who knows that the good bits don’t need help. They just need to be noticed. You want the hug that lasts too long.
The laugh that spills into a snort (frankly it is how I laugh, like a piggy)
The look during the ceremony when everything suddenly feels very real. You can’t script that. As authentic wedding photographer I can plan it in my head-how I will only capture it. Your wedding day is happening regardless if photographer is there- so it can be photographed same way.

What if photos didn’t mean leaving?

What if you didn’t need to vanish for portraits? What if the best photos weren’t the ones you planned but the ones you didn’t notice being taken? You don’t need to step away from your own wedding to prove you were in it. Or you can take walk and breather with your parter and that can be quietly photographed.

One thing they said really stuck with me:

“All our friends are helping , making the cake, the flowers, the signs , we want them in the photos too.”

Weddings aren’t just about the couple. They’re about everyone who shows up. Every guest is invited for a reason. Every face matters. Your wedding album shouldn’t be 90% of the two of you and a few formal group shots. It should feel like the full story of the people who made the day what it was, whether they were on the dance floor, behind the scenes, or quietly holding space in the background. That’s the point. A wedding is never just about two people. It’s about everyone in the room

You’re allowed to say no.

No to trends.
No to posing.
No to “walk away slowly, now turn, now laugh, now walk again.” You can hate being photographed and still want great photos.
You can be fully present and still have the day beautifully documented. And you’re not difficult for asking for that.
You’re just clear on your priorities.I f any of this sounds like you, you’re not alone. More couples are saying it out loud:
We just want to be there.
And we want someone to see it, as it really was.

No tree. No window. No performance.
I get it. Honestly, I was the same. I didn’t want to perform on my own wedding day. I didn’t want to be told where to stand, how to hug or disappear for hours. I just wanted to be present, with my nearest and dearest, to actually feel it all and still remember it afterwards, how it was.That’s why I do what I do now. If you’re reading this and thinking, “This is us,” you’re not alone. So many of us feel this way, we just don’t always hear it said out loud. So there’s another way, and it’s real and authentic. If you want to know more about why this matters to me, I wrote a bit about it here: What is my why.